


one overcast day in january

by vilechamomile



Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Heartbreaking, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 21:44:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15872328
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vilechamomile/pseuds/vilechamomile
Summary: shinwon painfully reminisces the year before.





	one overcast day in january

it occured on an overcast day in january. the event took place just right after new years eve, an event the world would celebrate for more fully packed years of adventures and euphorias to come. yet for shinwon, he feels yet another tear slide down his face.

 _'dont cry, i swear to god if you cry i'll go over there and slap the living daylights out of you,'_ was what rung inside his head.

he remembers the day when he received the news. it was vivid. flashing in various colors and emotions, which crippled his heart so. the way the other person on the line spoke, with remorse and pity, shinwon clearly heard the strangled cries in the background and the banging of pained hands on a hospital bed.

his mind went blank for a few moments. he couldnt register. why should he? why should he take in what the other person told him? why should he stand in the supermarket, a bag filled with banana milk and sweets just for.... _him_.

_him._

shinwon looked up and choked back on a sob.

"he couldnt make it," the other line spoke. "he held on for as long as he could, so please dont feel burdened. go hyunggu lived a long and fulfilling life because of you, and i believe he was the luckiest man alive to have someone like you,"

the line went silent for a few seconds after that. it was as if the other person was expecting shinwon to take it in. to swallow it up and do something unexpected, unprecedented even. but, all shinwon could do, was to listen to the deafening ring that muffled his ears and wait for the other lines cue to speak.

a short sorry, filled with pity and remorse, came and went. then the word 'condolences', and just...

shinwons face twisted with sudden grief. he felt the weight of the words start bringing him to the reaches of reality, back to feeling the overwhelming sadness and emptiness of his heart.

_'hun, we can get through this okay,'  hyunggu reassured shinwon with a bright smile. it was the same smile shinwon fell in love with, woke up to in the hazy mornings, planted kisses on whenever the other was caught off guard and many other unsaid things in both of their lifetimes._

_'i'll take all the treatments to get rid of this sickness, and then,'' hyunggu fitted his hand right in shinwons. his gaze fixated on the ring that his lover tried hiding until their anniversary came._

_'we'll continue on with our normal lives.'_

_shinwon turned to hyunggu during this time, and gave him a questioning gaze. 'wouldnt you be...'  he gestured towards his head, his hair still sported a bedhead look._

_hyunggu picked at the mess on his head._

_'i know you'd do anything to make sure my head wont look bald,' he remarked with a knowing glance. 'you love me too much to not spoil me.'_

hyunggu was right. he was always right. his lover was always sure with his choices, hence the rightousness it gave off. the younger was the man of his dreams, and vice versa, shinwon was all what hyunggu needed to fill the void in his life. the two gravitated towards each other like missing puzzle pieces, broken magnet pieces, or even as what people normally call it, two peas in a pod. whatever the other lacked, their half would make up for it.

days turned into weeks and weeks turned into months. hyunggus sickness didnt lighten one bit, yet shinwon managed. he pursued the thought of having to spend his entire life with hyunggu.

even when they started to lose the hope they had left.

 _'from here on out, each day you suceed, im going to buy you a bag of filled with your favorite banana milk and sweets,'_ was what shinwon conjured on the seventh month of hyunggus treatment

at the mention of being given food, hyunggus sunken eyes blinked up towards the firm aura shinwon gave off. he had been crying for days on end during those months. the treatment would give him immense pain, but he still went on, his body started to due from the radiation, his hair started to fall out, and everything was started to get to him. shinwon was pained. he suffered. he wished to take a bit of pain his love felt whenever another treatment was on his schedule.

shinwon made sure he was there for everything. the man made sure to cancel appointments a week earlier, he made sure to pay for expenses, he made sure to rush and get the promised bag of food he'd give... shinwon made sure he coulddo anything to help relieve even the littlest of pain off hyunggu.  he lived at the hospital at one point, fully leaving their house in the hands of their neighbors.

he felt his body rush. his grip on the plastic bag tightened, he felt his stubby nails dig into the wide exspanse of his palm. 

everywhere and everything was all blurry. 

he ran as fast as his lanky body could take him. people stared at him with surprise, with the way he dodged and flanked around those who walked too slow. they were too slow to understand him, a randon man who ran with salty tears stinging his already red eyes. buildings scattered past his vision. everything and everyone turned into nothing in his eyes.

he only had eyes for him. shinwon made sure that his vow stuck to him like super glue, the man himself made sure to always fulfill the promise he made to hyunggu.

_'im honestly the happist man alive right now. finally being married to the apple of my eye, as cheesy as it sounds, it makes the rest of my life as bright as your smiles. i go shinwon, am pledging to always and always try to make you happier than i am in this moment. i promise to wake you up with love-filled mornings and to give you all i am.'_

shinwon drowned in his tears. the world started to cave in on him, it started to bend in strange angles that even his mind cant register the now unfamiliar surroundings. everything was in pieces. his whole world was now slowly crumbling.

_'i actually cant believe that you gave your attention to a shabby looking employee that worked at a poorly maintained burger stand. back then i thought i would waste my life to flipping burgers, but looking at you now. the person in front me,'_

shinwon felt the sudden wanting to disappear along with his surroundings. he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. he wanted the world to make him disappear.

the thoughts of seeing him on the other side. shinwon wouldve stopped running if it werent for..

_'i can already see my whole life laid right here,'_

shinwon firmly swiped the sleeve of his jacket to his swollen eyes. he cant possibly give up now, he has to continue on.

even when he feels empty, even when he feels his world crumbling, he knows there was the littlest of emotion in the pit of his stomach. his realization makes everything seemingly stay still. buildings stop crumbling and strangers' faces start to appear clearer. he knew hyunggu wouldve probably kicked him in the gut if he saw him in this wrecked state.

_'go hyunggu, i love you so much.'_

and so, shinwon took a deep breath and walked. he continued in a calm pace, tracing his mind back to the days when hyunggu found him at the burger cart, to the time when both messily confessed to one another in a dark alley.

.........

 

......

 

....

 

...

_'go shinwon you have no idea how much i love you either.'_

shinwon bursted through the hospital doors. embaressment wouldve been the first thing that crossed his mind, but time didnt wait for him.

"um excuse me." he tapped his fingers impatiently.

the receptionist looked up from her monitor. she scanned the shinwons face. her eyes then widened a fraction of a bit before turning into a narrowed gaze.

"go shinwon was it?" she then pointed her metallic pen towards the end of the hallway. double metal doors stood there. it was the entrance to the hospitals garden area, made for those who need a peace of mind.

shinwon really couldnt believe what he expected the woman to say. he especially expected the 'im sorry's' and 'condolences' he would receive in the upcoming days. it was blunt enough for shinwon, who felt his crumbling heart let out a few thumping beats, that he wasnt ready. sometimes shinwon even thought about scenarios such as this. he'd be on a chair, staring at hyunggus sleeping figure, letting his train of thought run free for the the whole world to see.

its painful and he tried to not pay mind to it. not that it would last long.

"yes im go shinwon," he glanced at the clock for a brief moment. "i received some news earlier, so i came here as fast as i could."

the woman grimly nodded.

"the parents are expecting you at the garden mr.go, you'll be able to see your husband later." was all the women said.

shinwon registered this easily. he felt his body easing into the reality of things. he felt himself sinking further into the dark abyss. shinwon could be stuck in there for how long time gave him.

'i'll slap you if you cry. i dont know how, but i'll make sure to slap you.'

shinwon felt himself grimace at the warning engraved in his head. and so, for this time, he releases the breath hes been holding, and pushes past the warm metallic doors.

\--

the bag was somehow discarded. its contents floated in the nearby koi pond, the banana milk sank to the bottom, whilte sweets unwrapped itself to float into the moaths of hungry fish. he didnt know when he threw it, or when the sky suddenly became clear, or when his eyes caught sight of a breathtaking smile just a few meters away under a ripening cherry tree.

"hyunggu?" he felt the name brush past his lips. 

his quivering eyes were starting to well up all over again. just like in the movies, the protagonist would speed run and check the person if that was their one and only. 

shinwon was going to do just that.

he quickly made his way over to the sitting figure. his love was now just right in front of him, giving an all knowing grin at the messy state  shinwon displayed. the latter was now kneeling, he felt the pounding of his head, his body, and especially his heart. it wasnt the painful sort of pounding either, instead he felt like he was alive.

the deep crevices in his world rewinded back into place. everything fixed themselves to their original places, yet hyunggu was still there.

shinwon brought hyunggus hands to his face. he buried his face into the soft comfort of him.

"please tell me im not hallucinating, nor in a coma after risking everything to get here." he sniffled, feeling for more tears drop into his lovers hands.

"hun youre not hallucinating, nor in a coma," hyunggu gently brought shinwons face up. it seemed he was crying too, tears streamed down his paling cheeks. "youre too good for this world to let go of you yet."

"ah.. i thought i lost you..." shinwons turned his head to the side in anguish. he kept one hand pressed on his cheek, while he fumbled with the ring that rested on the other. he still really couldnt believe anything. "i dont know what or which to believe, but if im actually not dreaming,  this was probably an elaborate prank set up by you, and this... this was just cruel..."

it was like shinwon popped a balloon, because a shadow of guilt casted over hyunggus face. yet hyunggu managed to look up again and then gently moved his hands to brush away the seemingly endless tears that strolled down shinwons face. 

"shinwon im so sorry, i thought that... i thought that playing a little prank would... i thought it would make some type of build-up for the actual news.." hyunggu mumbles guiltily. he continues to caress shinwons cheeks, awaiting the moment his words would reach his husbands breaking state.

shinwons eyes peer at hyunggus for a few moments. he enjoyed the silence the few moments gave him, before giving a small sigh under his breath.

"what news did you plan on telling me?"

the sentence made hyunggu look off to the sky above. shinwon could see his tears from a mile away.

hyunggu now looked down, crying harder than earlier. even more than shinwon. he offered a wide shakey smile towards shinwon.

"im cured."

shinwon went deaf, but he needed to confirm.

"what?"

hyunggu rolled his drowning eyes. 

"im cured you big idiot."

shinwon stood up and pulled hyunggu to his feet. he was now smiling, he felt his heart exploding and thumping from the surge of happiness.

"im sorry but i cant help but be deaf at the moment," he whispered to hyunggus ear, who in return, chuckled from the sillyness that started to creep out.

"yah!! i might actually regret letting everyone in on pranking such a big goof--"

shinwon brought his lips to hyunggu in the bliss of it. the younger begrudingly succumbed to the happiness, the love, the genuiness, and just everything that shinwon was trying to convey since the start of their relationship. the innocence of the kiss was everything to the both of them. it was all what shinwon needed to slowly but surely feel alive.

both rested on eachothers foreheads, settling to look into each others eyes and to give smiles that would only be reserved for the other for eternity.

"i love you so much, but you already know that," shinwon breathed, as he rocked back and forth with his husband in his arms. safe and sound with each others presence.

hyunggu rested his head on his husbands chest. he listened to the way his heartbeat thumped in a rythmical beat to the way they swayed.

"i dont mind being reminded for the rest of my life," he gave a smile to shinwons way.

in that moment, shinwon had most probably forgiven hyunggu and..

he just cant wait to spend his life to loving go hyunggu.

\--

"are you moping again?" hyunggu appeared around the corner, wearing shinwons hoodie as if it were meant for only him.

shinwon sniffled from the sudden comment. his offended stare gravitated down towards his lover, who just retrieved a bag of groceries for tonights dinner. to which shinwon grabbed almost immediately.

"what no, what moping, i was just admiring the sky thats all." shinwon retorted lamely, then proceeding to turn his back and wipe the held back tears for another time.

he heard hyunggu snort from beside him. 

"i know todays the day i was cured from my sickness," he remarked, with a slightly impressed tone in his voice. "we could go and cry about it later,"

hyunggu hauled another bag from behind his back. "but for now, lets go and enjoy some treats by the riverside," 

shinwon rolled his now slightly swollen eyes at him. he could only follow hyunggu, who walked with a happy spring in his step, his hair now a bright blonde and grown compared to the year before. even when his hands are filled with groceries maybe a short break would do good for his internally crying being.

lifes great.

**Author's Note:**

> listened to happier by ed sheeran while making this. thankfully i managed to finish it and most probably shattered your heart too.
> 
> im a born sadist so please forgive me. tho i think you really cant forgive me after all that pain ;(


End file.
